Power Dynamics
Power dynamics are inherent in relationships, particularly regarding attraction and sex. We are sensitive to the potential power dynamics around us, as at least Eleven Types of Internal and External Power Dynamics consciously and unconsciously interweave into our interactions. For example, just as a young child may feel uncomfortable with adults holding some air of power over their autonomy, a woman can similarly perceive that men hold an uncomfortable air of power over her safety and autonomy.
Individuals often perceive and project power based on past experiences. A receiver's response to an expressed attraction can range from feeling flattered to threatened, depending on the context, the perceived power imbalance, and delivery. Thus, thoughtful timing and context are essential, as they can demonstrate a regard for safety, respect, and confidence.
When NOT to Express Attraction:
● Emotionally Vulnerable: When the receiver feels weak, sad, or disempowered, especially if significant support (e.g., housing, money) has been provided.
● Impaired Judgment: When the receiver is under the influence of substances.
● Boundary Manipulation: Concealing intention before meeting alone together or waiting until boundaries are lowered.
● Unaddressed Power Imbalances: Situations where power dynamics, such as wealth or status, could lead to exploitation (e.g., facilitators preying on vulnerable participants).
When and How TO Express Attraction:
● Emotionally Empowered: When the receiver feels confident and grounded.
● Sober and Grounded: Ensuring the receiver is sober and able to align decisions with their values.
● Radical Honesty: Honestly communicating ALL types of attraction that exist and any intentions/desires before meeting alone one-on-one.
● Addressing Power Dynamics: Discuss and explore power imbalances beforehand while keeping dialogue open. When there isn't a simple resolution, create agreements for ongoing, authentic, and consistent check-ins about any perceived imbalances.
Here are some additional resources if you would like to learn more to further empower and protect: Understanding Power and Control Tactics by Kerry Moles, Common Sexual Coercion Tactics, or The Dark Triad. By respecting these guidelines, we can foster an environment of mutual empowerment, safety, and respect.
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