Safely Expressing Attractions
Understanding and practicing trauma-informed ways of expressing attraction fosters equality, which promotes physical and sexual safety within individuals and the community. Radically honest communication in the appropriate context reduces ambiguity and helps prevent experiences of sexual predation, coercion, or manipulation. Explicitly naming desires may feel vulnerable, but it often conveys integrity and confidence.
Five Types of Attraction to Explicitly Name:
1. Aesthetic Attraction: Sharing how you find someone visually or energetically appealing.
2. Personal Connection: Expressing interest in a non-sexual, social bond, including friendship and emotional support.
3. Romantic Connection: Exploring an emotionally close relationship with the potential for long-term commitment.
4. Sensual Connection (Non-Sexual Touch): Expressing a desire for platonic, playful, or physical touch, without sexual elements like fluid exchange or genital/anal touch.
5. Sexual Connection: Exploring a sexual bond with informed consent, including fluid exchange or genital/anal touch.
An Example:
● Expresser of Attraction: "I feel shy asking this, but would you like to go on a date sometime? I feel attracted to your vibe and would like to get to know you more personally and romantically."
● Receiver of Attraction: "No need to feel shy—it’s brave and vulnerable to express your desires. I feel socially and physically attracted to you, but I’m not looking for a committed relationship right now."
● Expresser of Attraction: "Thank you for your honesty in sharing where you’re at. I’m seeking a romantic connection with commitment, so it seems we’re not fully aligned at this time. Hopefully, we can still go dancing sometime!"
This approach models respect, authenticity, and alignment while honoring both parties’ boundaries and intentions.
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